This look’s how I feel right now, Crazed, Mental however you want to describe It, It Isn’t a nice place to be. I’ve been awake now for almost 3 full day’s with maybe 5/6 hour’s sleep and my head Is begging for It all to stop, please just stop and let me have some quality sleep an rest time but my plea’s for rest are going unanswered.
I’m between a Rock and a very very Hard place. I don’t mind missing the odd night here and there, but sometimes it’s night after night after night and then it becomes relentless. I can feel my sense of sanity slipping away, I see things that aren’t there, I become preoccupied with things that don’t matter, like checking my Facebook account constantly during the night, just to get communication from the outside world. Which I’ve been doing whilst writing this new post.
Whilst being In this state I’ve been doing some research on the Net and I found A study that found people who reported difficulty getting to sleep, staying asleep or waking up too early were more likely to think about killing themselves, plan suicide or attempt to kill themselves.
I don’t know about you but that’s a pretty horrible conclusion but I believe It to be true. I myself have had those thought’s and feeling’s and I even discussed them with my psychiatrist only yesterday but he never came up with a solution other than more medication. I’m not being funny when I say this but I’ve tried God know’s how many type’s of Med’s an they simply don’t work. I’m now getting to the point of feeling tortured out of my mind. I no longer feel like all my thought’s are my own and my action’s are also starting to falter ie :- I’ve spent a small fortune In the last week on thing’s I wouldn’t normally do, I’m overly fixated on the simplest of task’s to the point they take hours, I constantly wan’t something to do even though I really haven’t got the energy to do It.
Something else I’ve read, Sleep deprivation is regarded as torture under international law and is branded as such by the United Nations. Sleep deprivation may sound quite harmless in comparison to other methods of torture; however, ongoing sleep deprivation is an extraordinarily cruel form of torture which leads to a breakdown of the nervous system and to other serious physical and psychological damage.
I can’t agree more with above statement but I’m all out of Idea’s as what to do next, I’m almost certain there’s people out there that read my Blog and have probably experienced similar problem’s as mine. All I ask Is for you to please leave a comment or suggestion as to what I could do. Seriously If this carry’s on like this I honestly do know how long I can cope with It all..
I’m going to leave It at that for now an try an relax for an hour before my family wake up.
Thank’s for taking the time to read this and I hope to hear from you soon..
<< Brian >>