did I gain this fragile state of mind?
That keeps me up so late at night
and dreams the dreams that cause me fright!
Is it the sins of the father levied against me now?
And cautions me not to ask the who, the when, the how.
Or is it for my own sins that the price runs so deep?
While I lay here trampled under by the world’s feet.
Like the Phoenix I try to rise from the dust
only to get weighed under life from dawn to dusk.
As the “Normal” people forget that I am alive,
They know not nor care if I’m lost or if I’ve died.
So a new world I create unto myself
filled with people like me put up on a shelf.
Together we live in a life that is our own,
on a make believe planet we built our home.
In a Bipolar world I lost my frame of mind,
Where all the “Normal” people have forgotten how to be kind
It cuts like a knife their lack of compassion,
but I will not respond in similar fashion.
I’ll continue to hurt to the core of my soul,
and let the blood drops heal what no one can console.
My guardian Angels are with me to the end,
they are more than just my Angels, they are my friends.
Mind unable to direct thoughts correctly
Universe caving in around me
Walls come crashing down
Its in my head, but you can’t see
Body tired no sleep as the nights draw long
Medications giving little help at this point
No where to turn or hide
No one to Hear my song
Nightmares invading little rest on odd occasion
Drink obscuring normality
Life seems so wrong
Voices arriving for the main invasion
Reality running wild mixed with sadness
Situation taking control with adverse effects
Holding on but only just
Take me far away, away from madness
Why Now? When I was feeling so well
It’s always the same
I achieve and then so much
Take me from this hell.
The reason I decided on Poems rather than my usual going’s Is I’m trying a new approach, which mean’s not sitting on here all night blankly staring at my Facebook profile page. So Instead I’ve got myself a quality book by no other than Kay Redfield Jamison this Is what made me go out an buy the book..
She was an American clinical psychologist and writer whose work has centered on bipolar disorder which she has suffered from since her early adulthood. She is Professor of Psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and is an Honorary Professor of English at the University of St Andrews
She write’s It like she’s reading my mind, all those thought’s and feeling’s I experience every day. You’ll probably agree once you read the paragraph below..
“There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you’re high it’s tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars, and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones. Shyness goes, the right words and gestures are suddenly there, the power to captivate others a felt certainty. There are interests found in uninteresting people. Sensuality is pervasive and the desire to seduce and be seduced irresistible. Feelings of ease, intensity, power, well-being, financial omnipotence, and euphoria pervade one’s marrow. But, somewhere, this changes. The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many; overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Memory goes. Humor and absorption on friends’ faces are replaced by fear and concern. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against– you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and enmeshed totally in the blackest caves of the mind. You never knew those caves were there. It will never end, for madness carves its own reality.”
Anyway that’s me signing out, hope your all OK??